tereza_d's Xanga

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 18:57:40 GMT

What do I want in life? Sometimes I want to move on to my next phase and sometimes I want time to move back but lately it seems like I am stuck in a rut from which I cannot escape from. Life is not moving forward nor backwards. It just standing still waiting for me to make a decision which I am unsure of myself. I have always looked forward to this very moment but now that I am here, I don't know if I really want to be in this position. Now I finally understand. I remember telling K I knew what she went through but in fact I didn't, not until now anyway. I know you can't move back in life, so what can I do to make it move forward? I really don't know.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 10:48:19 GMT

Growing Up

When we were little and innocent, we would look at the grown ups and wish we could be like them. To grow up and be able to do the things they do. The endless possibilities, the new paths, the dreams and the yearning to be respected as one of them. Seems just yesterday, we could not wait for today.

As we grow up we start to realize the not all dreams come true. The possibilities that seemed endless were just an illusion. The new paths may not lead you to the right place and to be respected as one of them, we have to live up to expectations. Being happy becomes harder and problems that used to feel big are now small.

Life is so easy when you are young. Pain was a scraped knee and nothing more. Tears were shed over trifle matters. Complications didn't exist and our only job was to grow up. It seemed that life could go on for years, as long as the nightlight was there to quiet our fears.

Now we understand that life was not as simple as we imagined. Our innocence long gone and we are no longer naïve. Things we once knew as real and material are forgotten. Being young and carefree becomes our dream. Everyday we face a challenge to make the right decisions. Feeling scared that we would walk down a wrong path and the consequences we have to handle. We are no longer protected and when we get tired there is no one there to carry us anymore. Left alone to live our life in this world which used to seem so ideal. Learning does not involve ABCs but heartaches. Problems that did not concern us slowly becomes part of our life. We now need to give in order to receive, to be there for those who used to protect you and to love in order to be loved in return.

Now that growing up has begun, it will not stop. We will continue gain wisdom through our trials and acquire a better understanding for our aching miles.

Growing up was what we looked forward to. How come no one ever told us growing up would come to this? Living today, we dream of yesterday.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 05:41:57 GMT

An Interview with God

I dreamed I had an interview with God.

‘So you would like to interview me?’ God asked.

‘If you have the time,’ I said.

God smiled. ‘My time is eternity. What questions do you have in mind for me?’

‘What surprises you most about humankind?’

God answered…

♦

‘That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.

That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.

That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present or the future.

That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.’

♦

God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while.

And then I asked…

‘As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?’

♦

‘To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.

To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.

To learn to forgive by practising forgiveness.

To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.

To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most but one who needs the least.

To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but have simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.

To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.

To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.’

♦

‘Thank you for your time,’ I said humbly.

‘Is there anything else you would like your children to know?’

God smiled and said,

‘Just to know that I am here… always.’

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 19:08:26 GMT

There are many phases in our life. Every different phase requires us to leave the comfort of a familiar territory/surrounding and step into the unknown.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 18:02:51 GMT

My life, my thoughts and my reflections

If I wrote about my life would you care?
If I set everything inside of me free, would you even bother listening?
My life isn't entertaining, it isn't a movie.
But it's real. It's mine.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 20:36:39 GMT

- If something is yours, nothing can take it away but if something isn't yours, you won't be able to keep it even by fighting for it -

Things change, circumstances change and people change. Nothing stays the same. Some love more and some love less. Some care more and some care less. Some people can quickly adapt to changes but others can't. To those who need stability in their life - to care or not to care, that is the question.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Sun, 21 Aug 2005 17:10:12 GMT

Time is your greatest ally but it can also be your worst enemy.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 18:33:47 GMT

A thought to keep in mind:

"A mind that questions everything, unless strong enough to bear the weight of its ignorance, risks questioning itself and being engulfed in doubt."

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 18:01:12 GMT

Every choice you make in life is a gamble. There are some things in life that is out of our control. Are we always 100% confident that the decisions we make are the right ones? Within every decision we make, a 'what if?' always seems to exist. If there is no such thing as a perfect world, then why would there be a perfect decision?

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 17:55:14 GMT

Contradictions

I am no longer a child, easy to satisfy,
I am no longer carefree, as a dove flying high.
I am no longer naive,
I have been decieved.
I have been cheated and used,
Taken for granted, and abused.
I am not some crayons and a coloring book.
I am not an innocent face, to recieve tender looks.
I am not a favorite movie, a doll, or a laugh.
I am no longer daddy's girl, to sit on his lap.
I am no longer pleasing, by just doing good.
It's always you "could"
I am no longer the little girl mom thought I was.
I am no longer a child, but still I am loved.
Love changes and love grows.
Love yearns and love knows.
Love hopes and love believes.
Love never lies or decieves.
I am no longer the little sister, who can relate.
I am always too busy, I am always too free.
If I have learned anything, I have learned you can't please the world.
Whether your a man, a woman, a boy, or a girl.
I will live to please myself, and I don't mean living selfish and shallow.
I just won't put my happiness in the hands of another.
Compassion is one thing - being a doormat is another.
I want to be free. I want my spirit to soar.
I want something less. I want something more.
I face contradiction, but I am completely sure.
I am so weak, from the strength I possess.
I am surrounded by lies, from the truth I confess.
Can I cry on your shoulder, with overflowing tears?
A salty flood of pain and fear.
I am never scared. But I am always afraid.
I have confidence. But I also doubt.
I want something shaky. I want something firm.
I want something cheap. I want something to earn.
I want a challenge. I want a chance.
I want something simple, but I also need more.
I want to laugh. I want to scream.
I want to trust. I want to dream.
I want you to talk. But please be quiet.
I want you to comfort. But do it with silence.
I want your touch. But leave me alone.
I want your heart to be my home.
I want you close. But not close enough.
Please don't lie to me. I want to trust.
If I asked you, would you know my needs?
If I cry, would you be listening to my pleads?
Do you know who I am , inside and out?
I believe in you. But I'm overwhelmed by doubts.
Innocence has disappeared in my deep, transcending eyes.
My childhood is a comfort I can no longer rely on.
I am happy. I am sad.
I am content. I am mad.
There is nothing I can do.
When I am with you.
I am trapped under glass. Please come set me free.
Without your letting me go I can't be me.